February already?

I understand basic concepts of measuring time. Seconds turn to minutes turn to hours turn to days turn to weeks turn to months turn to years turn to decades turn to centuries and so forth. While basic maths will never change (60 minutes will always equal an hour - never 55, never 62. Always 60), my perception of those maths is, apparently, variable.

January brought a new year and ended the holiday season. However, the distance of January to April still seemed relatively vast to me. As the page tore from the January calendar to reveal the very predictable February calendar, I had some sort of psychological shift. For some reason I cannot explain, the proximity of February to April is much closer than January.

While I continue to fear the very real issue of paying a mortgage while the primary income is missing for our family, my greatest current fear is the pain. The act of birth itself is so much closer, looming and terrifying me at various times during the day. This fear has prompted me to find a woman who is going to offer us an "empowered birth" class. She'll come to our home and coach us in different ways to approach birth, with facets of Lamaze, Bradley, and other methods. I'm hoping this pursuit will allay some fears.

As for other developments, everything is moving along well. I am in the middle of my antibiotics, but still have ears that clog easily and set me off balance. The baby no longer just motions with tiny pokes when he kicks. Instead, it feels as though his shoulder, hip, butt, or back are trying to push the boundaries of his current home. It's a strange shift in sensation, but one that I'm happy to feel, as it indicates all things are developmentally normal. I almost inadvertently dried us out yesterday by forgetting to drink water - thank God for Nathaniel and his water pushing when he came home from work. Feeling the baby kick as soon as I gave him (and my body) water was not only reassuring, but also made me feel sad for forgetting a necessary life-sustaining activity. In any case, we're back on track and, even as I type this, baby boy Eschler is making himself known.

I'm still tired from these relatively vicious illness. I'm going to nap and keep this post short. Just wanted to let those who read in on the current state of our union.