Sittin' Around

Things are moving in our household. Daddy is trying to increase his work schedule, Mommy is working and doing school, Hector has squirrels to chase... but, Auggi... Auggi is just sitting around.

So far, he can move from sitting to tummy time without a concussion. Sadly, he cannot go from horizontal to vertical without assistance... which is still a source of consternation for him.

Our little boy is going to be 6 months this week. I will be sure to post the stats and the pictures we had taken last night. In all truth, we are the most fortunate people on the planet. He is a generally happy baby. He has never been sick, had an allergic reaction, demonstrated a sensitivity to anything (knock on wood!). He sleeps pretty well, eats well, and is achieving his developmental milestones on time well. He is a social butterfly and can pull off a smile until he fades to sleep, never crying or fussing in between.

He really is the child of our dreams... if we had had time to dream about children before he came along that is :)

Enjoy the photo essay, which is immensely more eloquent than I could be...

Auggi and Alice... partners in sitting...

... and happy to do it!

sitting with Daddy... and his ice cream...

Sitting in a swing...

Soooooo happy!

Sitting in the sun....

Best baby EVER... he can sleep anywhere and be happy about it!

Sitting with Hector...

Sitting for one of the first times by himself!

Sitting with Noni and Papa at Flying Biscuit...

As time goes by...

I have a long held grudge against time. I have known for a while that time is relentless and ferocious, taking heed of no pleasure or no pain, no preference and no need. Time simply does as time has always done.

I first felt this when my Papa passed. My heart was broken, but there were still people going in and out of the grocery store. The mailman still delivered bills. Gas stations were still full of cars. Time still mandated that everything continue moving, despite the fact that my heart was dust. Similarly, joyful times have been tortured by time. Our wedding day was the most wonderful twinkling of an eye I can remember... time refused even to pause for the sake of enjoyment.

This phenomenon is greatly enhanced with a child. Nathaniel and I frequently comment to one another that Auggi looks bigger when he wakes up from his nap than when he went to sleep. Those tenuous early weeks of sleep deprivation and dependence have given way to longer naps and predictable development. As I watch our little boy morph from embryonic dependence to greater self determination, I often find myself trying to set mental markers in my memory so that this moment, although fleeting, does not extinguish permanently. These days, full of work, school, and parenthood, are precious, irreplaceable, and fleeting.

While fully feeling the impact of the brevity of this sweet time in our family's growth, I am resolving in myself never to give in to more than a quick observation of the bittersweetness... and that is because I am keenly aware that there is something sadder and more intense than the typical berating of time.

For parents who have children who leave our presence too soon, the bittersweetness of my current existence is welcome. To parents who have to deal with diagnoses, therapists, and exceptionalities, the typical pain of typical time passage would be a relief. Parents coping with the loss of a partner or loss of a job or loss of significant family members would be ok with my passage of time.

I acknowledge that the extreme speed with which our little boy is becoming a little bit bigger boy can be painful and make me want to break Time's arms. What I acknowledge even more heartily is that parenting is, if done at all correctly, a selfless act... and, that twinge of pain I feel in my heart as I fold up the 3 month clothing and make room for bigger shorts is not only normal, but necessary and, in so many ways, a tremendously positive blessing.

I hope we never forget how fortunate we are... to have a spectacular son, to stand witness to his miraculously typical development, and to have reason to expect it will be so always...

Auggi sported the onesie has Grandma Eschler made for his daddy... Grandma Eschler got to see him wear it on Skype the other day... he makes that onesie look good!

Auggi and Daddy on the final day that the pool was open for the season... what a difference from the first swim of the season, when he was still just a sleepy newborn!

Auggi and Nonni have dates twice a week now that Mommy is back in school and Daddy works... Nonni has taught Auggi to love his highchair and to expect his blocks when he's there...

He still prefers to be swaddled, but he's in a very good nap schedule and loves his crib and room!

Pain in the... tummy?

I am so excited to report that our little boy LOVES the Cuban black beans that have been the sustenance and love of my alimentary life.

I am NOT so excited to report that our little boy has a tummy ache.

I have been plagued my whole life with a "delicate" system... my husband, not so much. I am so sad to see this same issue play out in our sweet child, especially when it seemed a genetic 50-50 chance of NOT having to deal with it!

He continues to be the sweetest possible child, smiling and hugging even when he doesn't feel well, but his periods of peace are much more interrupted by the discomfort he is obviously feeling. Our arms are his primary medicine right now, with unrestricted access to nursing as the other prescription we've given him. We're currently waiting to hear back from the pediatrician about what else we should be doing, if anything.

In slightly related news, at his 4 month well baby check up on August 11, he weighed TWELVE POUNDS, 9 OUNCES!!! and was TWENTY FIVE INCHES LONG!!! His head circumference was 41 cm... that's 15th percentile for weight, 50th percentile for length and 30th percentile for head size (Totally normal, Jess...)... that was a weight gain of TWO pounds, nearly all on Mommy's "home brew"... Growth is beautiful!

Also in growing up news, mommy started school, so Auggi has experienced his first shift away from mommy for a whole SIX hours. I think it was harder on mommy than on him, as his Nonni and Daddy were available to love him...

All that to say, enjoy this child... as if you could avoid it...

Nap time in Tio Bobby's old school kicks...

Those culprit black beans... but, MAN! did he love them!

Hanging out with Nonni on Mommy's first day of school... and not being such a big fan of sweet potatoes...

Rocking the tux before he completely outgrows it...

Feast Day!!

I am, as I have stated before, never going to doubt my instinct again. After the labor and delivery debacle, I have realized that I know somethings and I ought to give myself the chance when in doubt. I am taking this tact with the task of motherhood, tempered (of course) by Nathaniel's perspective and input.

I know I run the risk of making some family or friends a bit frustrated, but I believe this approach to be best... and, now, I have evidence that Auggi is a clear enough communicator to make it work.

As you know, Auggi's weight gain has been a bit slower than most would expect (especially with my genetic material at play in him). We've been considering starting him on cereal. The pediatrician said that my milk is still the best for him nutritionally. My mother, always looking for baby dimples to emerge, wanted me to go forward with giving him cereal bolstered by my milk. Nathaniel and I investigated and decided that we would wait until Auggi told us he was ready, based on the signs he was giving us.

Sure enough, Auggi very recently started taking an interest in whatever I put in my mouth, watching curiously and even reaching for my water bottle. Additionally, he has been spending some time in his high chair and is enjoying that activity. He also is diminishing in his tongue thrusts. The straw that broke the camel's back, though, was when Nathaniel took a strawberry (NOT a good first food... high incidence of allergies) and rubbed it along his gum line so he could taste the essence of the fruit without having to actually ingest it and Auggi really enjoyed it.

So, not wanting to extend my mother's cereal anticipation longer than necessary, I asked her if she wanted to be here for his inaugural spoonful. It took her 3.2 seconds to say yes and get here.

We are starting him on Farina, a Mediterranean grain that is very fine and my mother prepared for us on cold mornings in New York. Using my milk to dilute it and sweeten it, we prepared Auggi's new baby bowls and spoons and bibs and gathered every photographic device in the house. These moments were captured in video (which I have yet to figure out how to upload to Blogger), still pictures and on telephone for quick sharing.

Auggi never thrust his tongue inappropriately even once... he took it all in, seeming to savor the sensation and opening his mouth again for a repeat spoonful. He giggled and laughed and pondered and wondered. All in all, it was a terribly successful event, allaying my mother's anxiety about him getting enough to eat and promoting even further confidence in his ability to signal when he is ready for the next step....

Arranging the bib...


Sizing up the bowl...

The first spoonful...

Not sure if his mouth or nose does the eating...

Nonni's favorite activity with babies...

Not too messy...

Oh yeah... that's the stuff....

It's a whole new world now...

Got the hang of it, now...

Justing hanging out...

Auggi is growing... rapidly. From the night when I put him to sleep to the next morning, it seems he changes markedly.

Generally speaking, he is a sweet child with predictable eat/play/sleep cycles and an endearing smile. He can scream like it's his job sometimes, however, and really works himself up without swaddling and other preventive measures.

Recently, he has become rather discontent being on his stomach, in our arms, or laying down. He's ready to see the world and take it all in... independently. Sadly, he has no core muscles, so that wish is hard to make come true.

Enter dear friend, Mary.

After 2 little boys, Mary is a wealth of resources... and was perfectly equipped to help Auggi establish a little more independence. She has let us borrow her "Jumparoo." This contraption works as a tripod frame suspends industrial strength springs so that Auggi can sit in his sling-styled seat and bounce up and down, propelled by the strength of his own legs. Adorned with every imaginable rainforest animal, there are 360 degrees worth of entertaining gadgets.

So far, so good...

Figuring out how it all works...

We already had to shorten the straps... he was flat-footed on the lowest setting...

In other news, Auggi has (for TWO nights now) slept EIGHT hours!!! If I can figure out how to get everything done and in place so that I'm ready to go down when he is, I could get eight hours as well. However, I have yet to be able to do that, so I'm still holding at 6 to 7 hours. I am so thankful... Auggi is timing everything perfectly... he's starting to extend his sleep AND is giving some significant signs that he is getting ready to eat some food... all in time for me to start school in 2 weeks.

I'm not sure why you guys think this walking thing is so great... it's kind of boring...

"If that kid doesn't want this blanket and teddy, I'll take them!"

Exciting times... in Auggi's growth and in the life of our family... until teething, at least :)

O Happy Day!

Nathaniel is not quite at rest with the fact that I have a firm philosophy that states if I am the mother of one child, I am automatically going to be the mother of more children. While Auggi is AMAZING, I know that I am going to have more children, most likely through adoption. Nathaniel is content with our little perfect creation and feels no compulsion to add to our family. I, however, know something very special... and it's a secret given to me on this day 29 years ago.

I was born to a set of 22 year olds who struck genetic and dispositional gold when they had me. Figuring the first collaboration had gone so well, they boldly dreamed of the next corner of their punnet square. Thus, as I teetered about in a 19 month old body, my parents gave me a baby brother. He was born blue, struggling to breathe and already showing the tenacity that would be the earmark of his existence. That day, July 28, 1982, was a day that shaped my life in its entirety... for better, for worse, and forever...

My brother, Bobby, was my best friend. As young children in New York, we played together while my parents executed the seemingly endless task of home improvement. Once, we got locked in a closet with a "temperamental" doorknob that refused to open from the inside as easily as it had from the outside. Together, Bobby and I harnessed the power of our combined Glow Worms to keep each other calm and finally escape our dark cage. We often fell asleep on the foam, baby blue couch that we would roll out in order to watch "Smurfs," "Snorks," "Garfield and Friends," and "Voltron" on Saturday mornings. That couch would bare the stains of fruit juice and the crumbs of cereal for many years and witness many silly puns.

Once our lives moved to the other side of the ocean, Bobby's presence remained sustaining, as he would plan who we would be at the next school we attended. Once, we even conspired to fool everyone that we were twins and had an elaborate plan about skipping grades and failing to explain why we were 2 years apart in school. Bobby would make me (and the entire family) laugh with flatulent jokes anytime we encountered crumbling ruins in our travels and always released the pressure I felt as I uneasily navigated crypts, graveyards, and other old markers of famous (or not so famous) deaths. Even though our parents could always afford us separate rooms, we always wanted to stay in the same room. He was the author of the coolest hamster names every: New Hamster and MC Hamster. He could beat any Nintendo game. Period.

Growing up became more difficult as age and grade increased. Bobby's desire to be free and push himself drew him in much different directions from my compulsive parent/teacher-pleasing antics. There were days when we didn't recognize each other. There were other days when I would illegally allow my 14 year old brother drive the car my parents let me use as a 16 year old and we would conspire to "pull one over" on the mother who witnessed it by ducking behind a building and switching jackets. The awkwardness of growing up was a furnace that shaped our sibling relationship... for better, for worse, forever...

As adults, Bobby and I took very different paths. While I delayed adulthood with school and travel and moving frequently, Bobby got married early and became a full-fledged adult. The discrepancy made relating to one another very difficult. He graciously produced the most amazing nephew, followed by a niece and allowed me to love them in the tradition of our Italian relatives.

Now, Bobby and I are separated by many miles and, at times, what seems like endless emotional and experiential territory. However, I know that the love, humility, comfort, and encouragement that has come only from my relationship with Bobby is still available to me, as only can be from one sibling to another. I know that his presence and influence in our little boy's life is one that can never be replicated or replaced. I know that the little boy who played GI Joes while I played Barbies is still the adult who lives his life parallel to mine.

I want the same experience for our little boy. I want him to know when he infringes upon "sibling law" in a way that only Bobby was able to teach me. I want him to know that there is someone else who will be stirred by the same memories, as Bobby and I are. I want Auggi to experience giggling to sleep with someone who can sweet talk mom into forgiveness, as Bobby and I did. I want a bike riding partner for our boy, as well as a tattle tale for those other not-so-wholesome tasks, as Bobby was for me. In my life, Bobby has done those things and SO many more, I can't help but know that our family will be expanded to afford Auggi the same delight and sustenance.

Expressing love to my brother in a way that he can understand it is a work in progress. This post is the perfect example, as I want to show my brother love, but very seriously doubt he's read to this point, as "short and sweet" is his MO in communication... (are you still there, Bobby?)

We are, ultimately, very different people. The respect I have for him, however, is without hindrance.

I am so thankful for my brother. I am so thankful for the pain and growth experienced at his hands, as well as the acceptance and laughter that more abundantly came from him. I am thankful for the role he will take as Tio to little Auggi. I am thankful for him.

Thank you, Bobby... and Happy Birthday, Tio!

We love you... old man!

Tio Bobby meeting Auggi for the first time...

Sibling love... way before Auggi...

Repping Tio Bobby's mission in life... Yankees love!

Not my favorite pic... but continuing sibling love... after Auggi's arrival

Wasting away again...

As I have made no attempt to hide, it is common knowledge that adjusting to full time work with an infant who requires nourishment from my body every 2-3 hours while planning to start school in the fall and maintaining our household has been relatively difficult for me. I have wanted to do all things without a qualitative decline in any aspect of these activities, leading me to breaking points on a nearly daily basis. With the use of some significant coping mechanisms, I narrowly avoid those breaking points and move forward.

However, when God decided to add another stressor last week, I lost all ability to cope. When temperatures reached into the triple digits BEFORE the humidity was even considered, I found myself unable to cope any longer.

Thankfully, Nathaniel had good foresight and told me to keep some paid time off instead of using it all for maternity leave so that we could actually relax at some point this summer.

So, when the heat and stress became too much, I was able to call a time out and take a break.

The second part of this blessing was that my parents, similarly, had time and energy enough for us all to pack into a car and head to Atlantic Beach, North Carolina.

True, Atlantic Beach is more Redneck Riviera than paradise resort, but the sun, sand and absolute lack of demands, schedules, and additional stressors made it seem the most ideal place in the world. We were able to rent a newly renovated 2 bedroom condo at a complex we visited while Bobby and I were teenagers, which meant we were able to keep costs (and calories) well regulated by cooking our own food. Also, it meant that Mom and I enjoyed the water slide in honor of Bobby...

I got a tent-like beach shelter to protect my pale additions to the gene pool. Nonni and Papa got Auggi a bumble bee raft with a sun shelter so he could enjoy the water as well... all in all, it was a last minute perfect storm of factors that coalesced into the brief moments of regeneration which my body and soul craved so passionately.

I hope that Auggi is able to take sun and enjoys the water as my brother and I always did. I know he's going to be a hiker and outdoors man, as is his father... but, relaxing at the beach is a joy without parallel in the annuls of our Petro family history.

I think he's off to a good start, if this weekend is any indicator...

Not at the beach, but a picture too cute not to share... getting ready for family walking time...


Again, not from the beach, but too cute not to share... plaid shorts are SOOO in right now :)


"What is this 'beach' of which you speak...?"


On the way to the beach, decked out in cute beach garb from his Office Grandma...

Getting ready to beach comb with Daddy...

Auggi loves to "chat" with his Daddy... in fact, he does not carry on his "conversations" with anyone else for as long as he does with his daddy. Here, they are chatting about the flora and fauna at Atlantic Beach...

Family photo in the beach shelter... Mommy is still not at peace with her post partum body, so a smile in hiding is the best we're going to get for a family photo on the beach!

Nonni put Auggi to sleep on the beach... that Bumble Bee raft is so multi-functional!

My white men in the beach shelter!

Chillin with the Bee Raft...

Ummm... funniest face yet... His monkey agrees!

Sharing smiles on the car ride home... this kid is a road trip rock star!

Next to Normal...

In my former life - the one where I shared an idiosyncratic house with 3 other women (2 of whom I enjoyed), my biggest concern was a paper on Wagner and my dog's grooming schedule, and I freely came and went with the whims of a New England wind - I had disposable income I could devote to seeing musicals actually on Broadway. On one such occasion, a dear friend, Sarah Leer, came from Chicago to spend time with me and we decided to see Alice Ripley in the role that would win her a Tony. The musical, "Next to Normal," is about a family dealing with the fallout of a mother who struggles with Bipolar Disorder, with psychotic features. This family struggles to achieve a homeostasis - something that was just "next to normal."

I feel like that is what I am doing right now... just looking for a routine and standard for my current life that is just next to normal.

Sleep is completely different... It comes in patches... and my day becomes a quilt wherein I try to assimilate times of high productivity, meeting others' needs, meeting my own needs, preparing for school or other future endeavors and resting in as seamless a manner as possible. Typically, the sleep is that oh so beautiful cloth that is sparsely repeated in a quilting pattern, but never prominent enough to become the base of the whole thing...

My body is completely different... It is in patches. There are my arms, which have reverted to a "fluffy" status, as weight lifting took a back seat around week 33 of pregnancy. My abdomen is a patchwork quilt of the natural marks of what I've gone through (stretch marks) and the artificial reminders of my devastation (the C Section scar). Because I am breastfeeding, I have not been able to go back on the medications which regulate my body, so losing weight is futile for at least another 2 months... the well meaning doctor told me this week that I should be proud of my "pooch" because I am a mommy now... not comforting. My body is still not my own - my child and my hormonal irregularities seem to own my body right now. I think this particular domain is the furthest from even being close to normal.

My social life is completely different... I socialize in patches. Usually, I am able to initiate a phone call or text message conversation, but very rarely am I able to see it through to the end. I have people over, but very rarely can make my way out to them. My social interactions seem disjointed and irregular... nothing like my normal...

Our marriage is completely different... Our time management and discussions are completely different... the set up in my car is completely different... the set up in my home is completely different... my eating patterns are completely different... my priorities are completely different... my dog's patterns are completely different... it's all so completely different.

I will not lie and sugar coat and say that acclimating to these changes is easy. I am a stubborn women who had a grand plan that was changed. Changing to meet demands that change on a seemingly hourly basis is not what I had planned for this time in my life.

I will say, however, that this little boy is the only thing for which I can imagine changing. Even after the most sleepless night, his morning smiles are more than substantial repayment. His laugh is medicinal. His cuddles are miraculous. His whimpers are endearing.

His inability to care for himself calls to a deep part of my heart that has never been alive before. While I am utterly exhausted and feel on the brink of my own sanity regularly as I attempt to balance motherhood, work, and life with my (still-relatively-new) husband, I never resent his need or requests for a diaper change or extra feeding. This new role has taught me for the first time what selflessness truly is... what a pure love truly is.

I am looking forward to things settling down eventually. However, what I know of lifespan development and what I've observed in others' lives tells me that the first year of life, when things change predictably and quickly, is not the time to expect that sort of settling sensation. I am learning as I go and rolling with changes - I've got my cloth diapering rhythm established, an eat-wake-giggle-swaddle-sleep rhythm established, an exercise rhythm beginning to emerge, and other elements of a next to normalcy beginning to occur.

Until I can reach a state of normal... or even next to normal... I am just going to keep holding this little boy as long as he'll let me. If things can't be next to normal, at least they can be worthy of the irregularity I am enduring.

... and he is...

Chilling with his Papa in a Biergarten in Durham...

His monkey BFF

Baby's first fireworks... July 5th, thanks to the rain on July 4th...

Nonni has dubbed him the skinny guinea... this picture captures the essence of that moniker...