How can people stand to wait?

Nathaniel and I find out 2 weeks from yesterday if there is a stem on our little apple. When we first found out I was "in the family way," I was convinced I was growing a girl. I've always preferred little boys, so it was kind of strange for me to assume we were having a girl.

As time has gone on, my resolve has wavered. Perhaps it is the natural progression for doubt to sink in after a period of uncertainty without any way to confirm or deny a suspicion, but I no longer feel as certain.

I've had very vivid dreams where I had a boy and separate very vivid dreams where it was a girl. Nathaniel thinks it's a boy... but he said that is mostly because he can't imagine anything else.

All of this is to say: HOW ON EARTH DO PEOPLE WAIT FOR THIS INFORMATION!?!?!?

Bobby and Katie waited with Emory. I remember it being a sweet time and when Bobby jumped off the elevator and announced that "EMORY ROBERT IS HERE!" It was exciting on many levels. However, as I gestate, I find myself unwilling even to consider postponing the knowledge.

I attribute part of this excitement and desire to know to the very real surprise and drama we experienced initially. I think the tears shed, concerns worried, and anxiety that marked the first days of our gestational parenthood are enough to last us for a while. I do not feel the need to add any other element of surprise to our life.

Another contributing factor is that our nursery themes are so different. As I've said before, we have no intention of using a traditional nursery theme. As I walk around Target or Babies R Us or anyplace else with a baby section, I am unmoved by the themes I see.

Instead, for a boy, we are choosing a Brooklyn Bridge theme. We intend to have prints by several prominent artists who have created paintings of it. Additionally, Hart Crane's poem about the Bridge will be a beautiful addition. Nathaniel proposed to me on that bridge and we both love New York City. In our new home, a Brooklyn Bridge baby room will be PERFECT.

However, if it is a little girl, we are going to start her off well with an American female artist role model: Georgia O'Keefe. While I have not traditionally been a fan of decorating with red, I LOVE her poppies series. With prints of her poppies as the centerpiece, a girl's nursery will evolve, with probably ladybugs and insects as the natural progression therefrom.

The issue of names also plays into my desire to know. Right now, I am IN LOVE with our boy names. Girl names are, at best, uncreative. At worst, they are controversial (using my grandmother's first name causes angst in certain corners of my family). I exert relatively little effort toward girl names, since boy names roll off our tongues more effortlessly. Knowing which it is will be an end to the pressure, hopefully. Unfortunately, I will mourn a bit if we don't get to use the boy names. As it is, we are only going to come up with a short list and name the child after we meet him or her. At least I'll know which list to keep working on.

This gender question has brought to light the fact that things are so much different when you are face to face with this reality than what you conjecture. I always thought I would wait to find out. NOPE! I always thought I'd go into the delivery room with just my husband. I now find myself wanting my mother there with us. I thought I'd be well adjusted and wouldn't mind weight gain. I freak out over any ache or pain and HATE my changing body. I guess maybe there is no way to prepare for pregnancy. And if there is no way to prepare adequately for pregnancy, maybe that means there is no way to adequately prepare for parenthood either.

Good thing our kid is going to be well behaved anyway... right?

guys?

yeah?