1 almost down...

Tomorrow marks 12 weeks... I am, officially, almost done with my first trimester. Very rarely in my life have I looked forward to something so much. While my complaints can't possibly measure up against the women who face multiple instances of sickness each day and crippling exhaust, I have noticed a significant change in myself... and I am not a fan of surrendering control to this little parasite (not trying to be mean, but the child is LITERALLY mooching off of me right now... without reserve... just soaking up whatever I have to offer... parasitic, no?)...

Most notably, I am EMOTIONAL. I know this is a departure from the usual, stoic character that I am... haha! But, seriously... I work hard to be a logic-oriented person. I have had to have my heart broken and boundaries tested and many other difficult lessons taught in order to reign in my naturally very strong emotions. Thanks to Piccolino, I now have very little control, if any, over my emotions. For instance, I cry while listening to "In the Heights" in the car. There is a song toward the end, after Abuela Claudia passes, where one of the main women characters sings about how Abuela Claudia kept every scrap of paper about the lives of those she loved in boxes. The character (Nina) sings that she's sorting through these boxes while the woman she loves is gone... it reminded me of my Great Grandmother, Manuela, to whom I always referred as "Aye Aye" after the sound she made standing up. And I cried... in my car... listening to an iPod on radio... crying. As in tears.... from my eyes... cried. WHAT?

Thankfully, some of those pains which initially indicated there was something askew in my womb have subsided. I cannot wait until I can say that about the daily nausea, ridiculous emotionality, and fluctuating between excitement and anxiety.

However, my fear is that these things may never revert to "normal." My mother was known in our youth for crying at Hallmark commercials. She never was able to cope with either of us driving, even when we lived out of the house. Her anxiety induces calls to me every 20 minutes of a road trip. She's never had nausea, but her behavioral anecdotes lead me to believe maybe this is my new normal... uh oh...

In only slightly related news, I started my new applications to universities. I am applying to Masters and Doctoral level programs in either Public Administration or Public Service. I am so hoping this is my last year of applying to universities... I've had QUITE enough of it all...

So, you see, even in the midst of worrying that a new norm I am not ready for is being established, I am also being an agent of change in my own life.

I guess I know where Piccolino gets it from :)